Do we not deserve to take the easy way out?
Do we not deserve to take the easy way out?
Why do we continually make things hard for ourselves?
Hi hi, how are you doing? I know we saw each other last week, but how are you really doing? As it turns out, I came close to burning out outside of work last week — taking on too many fun and exciting things can also cause your brain to go on a strike. So today, I’m exploring something close to my heart but also something I think will make all our lives a little better.
I dunno about you, but whenever I need to do something, I somehow inadvertently choose the most difficult way possible. In my head, I’m building character. 💪🏽
But in reality, I’m just making things harder for myself. (🤦🏾)
This, I’m finding out, is a common way of life for most of us. All because, growing up, we learned that anything good requires effort.
And while this is true, it’s also…not? Some of the things we force ourselves to endure, to grow through, could simply be avoided if we were more mindful of the actions we’re taking (or not taking).
Let’s back it up a bit before we get really technical.
I don’t deserve the easy way, do I?
Over the last few hundred thousand years, humans continued to evolve and make life easier. Sure, we could argue that the hunter-gatherer era was better in some aspects, but overall, we’ve got it made right now. Life is as easy as it could theoretically be until we make something easier.
Still, we continue to persevere on things just because people did them the hard way in the past. We think we need to follow in the footsteps of our ancestors, or we’re shaming their legacy. Otherwise, we do things the hard way because we think we don’t deserve the easy way yet.
It’s a simple word — deserve — but it opens up a whole can of worms. Because it’s true, isn’t it? Sometimes you won’t let yourself ask for more time at work because you think you shouldn’t need it. Either your colleagues didn’t, or you don’t think you really deserve some extra time. Either way, you’re going to burn the midnight oil and burn yourself on that flame.
Or maybe you’re the kind to get sick and decide to wait it out to see if it gets worse. Because you’re not really sick, no, it’s the weather, you don’t really need to see the doctor.
We think of things like this as taking the path of least resistance. And oh no, that won’t do.
It’s been drilled into us, time and again, that those who take the easy way never succeed1. The easy way is for cowards, for those who want to coast through life without making anything of themselves. We’re not that, so no thank you, we will not be succumbing to the easy life today. We’ll persevere even though there’s an easier path available.
And you know what grinds my gears about this emphasis on taking the difficult path? It’s that the people who’ve taken the difficult path often advocate the most for it. Instead, I’d have hoped that you gained some empathy and realized that just because you went through it doesn’t mean you have to lead people on the same shitty path, no?
Human beings can be quite punishing to themselves and also to each other.
Is there any reason to take the easy way — aside from it being easier?
Sometimes, taking the easy path is more than just an easy thing to do. It can be more difficult because it’s setting a precedent. It means people around you can see you’ve chosen the less-difficult path, and it opens you up to judgement. But somewhere in that crowd booing you is someone who is grateful you took the first step and made life a little bit easier for them.
This is especially true for disabled folks, people with special needs, or those who work/care for them. Making something easy to do has more benefits than just improving your own life (which probably leads to better self-esteem). When people think about making things easier for themselves, they automatically make things a little bit easier for those who have it way more difficult.
Assistive technology is an excellent example of this in action. When I found out the reason for the certain yellow and red parts on the footpath with huge button-type things2, I was amazed. Here was something I’d walked on for ages without thinking about it or its function — it’s used to alert blind and less-sighted people to the location of the crossing. In train stations, it’s near the start of the stairs. On train platforms, the yellow line with similar buttons helps blind people know they’re too close to the edge and need to step back. I’ve used that yellow line to guide myself back when I see/hear the train whooshing into the station — but it wasn’t built for me. Still, it made my life easier.
If that seems like it doesn’t apply to you, then maybe you’d like to think about this — most productivity apps/websites, most self-help/business books, and most of pretty much everything is rooted in making life easier for others. Most businesses even use that as their strapline — [insert industry/niche] made easy/we’re here to solve our customer’s problems.
Choosing to make life easy or take the easy path shouldn’t be dependent on when we think we/someone else deserves it. That implies that the reverse is true: everyone deserves the hard way unless the majority deems it okay to do otherwise (adopting a binary thought process).
Living life on Easy Mode for 2/3rds of the time
Of course, like everything else in life, doing one thing exclusively will lead to disastrous consequences — that’s why there’s all this talk about balance.
Sometimes we will need to take the hard way. When it comes to achieving our goals, learning more, or trying to grow, we might need to take a few hits in order to get to our final destination.
But that doesn’t mean that it’s all gotta be hard.
A few issues ago, and I can’t remember which one now, I linked to an Olympian athlete who told us how she trains for goals — you need to feel happy 1/3rd of the time, okay 1/3rd of the time, and crappy the other 1/3rd.
Notice anything? That’s right. For 2/3rd of the time you spend doing something, you should feel mostly okay. Feeling crappy should be a minority.
Our lives would be so much easier if we gave ourselves some grace (easier said than done, of course) and asked for support, asked for extensions, help, advice, whatever, when we needed it. Instead of forging ahead all on our own, we need to relearn the fundamental aspect of being human: community knowledge and living.
The way I look at it, we make the small stuff difficult for ourselves in the hopes that achieving that big thing will feel all the nicer. But it’s just making us feel worse, and sometimes, it’s making us regress instead of progress.
So, maybe we just need to cut ourselves some slack and take the easy path sometimes.
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Take five to check out this stuff:
You might've seen this already, but it'll still put a smile on your face — a man builds a chalk racetrack for a 3yo who bikes on his driveaway (extra cute because this happened during the pandemic when we were all desperate for human connection).
A guide to doing nothing — an important aspect of rest (see below).
I wanted to link to the popular "Road less travelled" line from Robert Frost's poem (and talk about if a road is less travelled, there might be a reason — like bears) but actually, the poem has a deeper meaning that I'd missed.
Last week, I came close to burning out and luckily, a few catalysts led me to seek support at the right time. Grateful for my therapist, who functions as my common sense filter — and for people who extend deadlines and offer grace. So, in case you need it: Ask for help if you need it. Ask for some more time on your deadlines. Take some vitamin D if you haven't seen the sun or been in the sunshine in a while. Take some rest — I need to take my own advice, so don't follow in my footsteps and nearly burn out.
I’ll see you next week — maybe not at the same time, but definitely the same place.
When I was about high school age, I recognized that pretty much the main critical voice in my head was telling me I was lazy (I wasn't not lazy, but when I was younger I was someone who loved nothing better than to read or make up stories in my mind.) But I was puzzled because it was my father's voice (who was really quite a gentle, kind man--except when he was trying to teach me a sport) not my mother's voice (who was kind as well, but in the 1950s as a mother of a daughter, she was the one expecting me to do chores and getting frustrated when I would forget to turn off the oven, or do the dishes because I got distracted by a good book.) Then I learned that my father's older, bullying brother had among other things constantly told him he was lazy, and if he just worked harder he would be a better swimmer...etc. So my critical voice was actually that of my rather nasty, alcoholic uncle! That made me very suspicious of that voice from that point on. I've, in fact, made it a point of pride when I have done something that made things easier--especially when hearing that lazy voice in my head. For example, when I shifted from teaching history at 4 year university (maybe max 50 students a semester), to a community college job (250 students a semester) I shifted away from take home exams/research papers to in class essays because they were much faster and easier to grade. Now with the profession throwing up their hands in despair over how to handle AI produced papers , with in-class, hand-written essays being a solution, I can say to myself, my "easier" method was just smarter for me, as it will be for them, and be proud that I didn't succumb to the "I should" when I compared myself to colleagues who were still teaching at the 4 year institutions. Needless to say, I loved this essay, and had me proudly going through all the decisions I made over the years to do things easier, and reject that uncle's voice.
I saw the 1/3rd-2/3rd reel on Insta recently, and it sent me into a reflection on all my jobs! Cool issue, bro.