I will never be able to stop being shocked at the magic table and the magic soap dispenser that never emptied.
My husband and I have a pretty equal split on the chores and duties, but the mental load is absolutely all on my shoulders. The thing is, it’s so ingrained in me that even if he wanted to take over some of it, I wouldn’t want to let go of that control.
Wow.... I keep forgetting how lucky I am. I do (and always have done) most of the caretaking tasks in our household (In the past, kids;. Currently, fil. Constant: plants and critters), but my husband has always done the lion's share of running the home business (with a little help from me). I do the grocery shopping, but we both add on to the running shopping list throughout the week, so we don't run out of anything (unless one of us forgets to note down an item!). We've always shared household duties: He does laundry, vacuums, and cooks dinner for the family. I do dishes, general neatening, and deal with breakfast and lunch for my fil. The house is definitely not pristine, but it's livable, and the inhabitants are happy... and that's what counts.
We have to stop thinking of "man" work and "woman" work - it's just work! I deal with the caregiving stuff because I'm more patient and my brain just works that way.. My husband is better at business stuff than me. So that division of labor works for us. The rest of the work is divided according to ability as well - I am horrible with machines and tend to break them, so he does most of the chores that involve machinery. He's busy with business stuff during the day, so I deal with the other chores. I'm usually busy helping his Dad before supper time, so he cooks dinner (and he's an awesome cook!). We never entertain because we have no time! :D It might not be everyone's cup of tea, but it works for us, at least....
As a single parent for most of my son's life, it was second nature to handle a lot of the physical and mental load of keeping things going. It was harder to learn how to let it go a bit when I married years later for the second time. I laughed with a mixture of amusement and horror when you wrote about the man who thought the dispenser never emptied -- ours does regularly and it is one of those chores that my husband does. I have been known to let the gas tank in our car go empty so I think he's trained himself to make sure we don't run out of soap or gas...
I will never be able to stop being shocked at the magic table and the magic soap dispenser that never emptied.
My husband and I have a pretty equal split on the chores and duties, but the mental load is absolutely all on my shoulders. The thing is, it’s so ingrained in me that even if he wanted to take over some of it, I wouldn’t want to let go of that control.
I opened my laptop after an exhausting day to read your email and it hit me. This is what I have been grappling with... the mental load.
Thank you for writing about this. Keep writing.
Wow.... I keep forgetting how lucky I am. I do (and always have done) most of the caretaking tasks in our household (In the past, kids;. Currently, fil. Constant: plants and critters), but my husband has always done the lion's share of running the home business (with a little help from me). I do the grocery shopping, but we both add on to the running shopping list throughout the week, so we don't run out of anything (unless one of us forgets to note down an item!). We've always shared household duties: He does laundry, vacuums, and cooks dinner for the family. I do dishes, general neatening, and deal with breakfast and lunch for my fil. The house is definitely not pristine, but it's livable, and the inhabitants are happy... and that's what counts.
We have to stop thinking of "man" work and "woman" work - it's just work! I deal with the caregiving stuff because I'm more patient and my brain just works that way.. My husband is better at business stuff than me. So that division of labor works for us. The rest of the work is divided according to ability as well - I am horrible with machines and tend to break them, so he does most of the chores that involve machinery. He's busy with business stuff during the day, so I deal with the other chores. I'm usually busy helping his Dad before supper time, so he cooks dinner (and he's an awesome cook!). We never entertain because we have no time! :D It might not be everyone's cup of tea, but it works for us, at least....
I hope your man will listen to you! :)
As a single parent for most of my son's life, it was second nature to handle a lot of the physical and mental load of keeping things going. It was harder to learn how to let it go a bit when I married years later for the second time. I laughed with a mixture of amusement and horror when you wrote about the man who thought the dispenser never emptied -- ours does regularly and it is one of those chores that my husband does. I have been known to let the gas tank in our car go empty so I think he's trained himself to make sure we don't run out of soap or gas...