That is brilliant and a great idea! Imma do that for my friends too and also for those who switch from exceptionally toxic/not-their-jobs into newer, nicer ones (so the non-academic ones aren't left out).
I'm coming at this from both sides. I was single until I was 46, when I got married to a man who was 41, also his first marriage. Honestly, I have never minded celebrating my many married friends' accomplishments (marriage, children, etc), and being single didn't keep me from celebrating my own. College graduation, housewarming, professional licensure, etc. Friends were always happy to celebrate with me, regardless of marital status. Regarding destination weddings, I think it's ludicrous to expect someone to pony up a bunch of money to go somewhere they may or may not be interested in going. Our wedding/honeymoon was in Hawaii, no guests invited, just the two of us on the beach with the officient and the photographer. Totally romantic and stress-free, and it cost about 5K. We had a potluck reception at a friend's house (she had a big yard) when we returned for all our friends and we specified NO GIFTS! Some people still gave us things, but that was their choice. It was a total blast, everyone had fun, and no one felt obligated or resentful for spending more money than they could afford. Celebrations shouldn't be seen as an opportunity to rake in loot, that's seriously warped IMHO. Just say no.
Thank you for reading, I really appreciate your input — esp the fact that you point out celebrations aren't ways to just rake in cash or gifts from loved ones. Spot on!
This is so sensible! I love that you and your friend circle make it a point to celebrate things with the same energy — most of the horror stories I read on reddit or see irl with my own friends and their friends is that marriages, babies, and similar "societal" milestones take precedence. People fly down to attend weddings but rarely show the same kind of commitment & interest for what they deem is a smaller event (like a housewarming shower or something that's a "niche" celebration).
That's the way to do it! We had a small wedding, too, minus the destination (I'm a homebody!); just our respective parents and siblings and a couple of friends in attendance (as well as the minister's little poodle), no shower, no presents. We had three kids, no baby showers. 40 plus years of marriage, no public anniversary parties. Why would we? These were private events, and we preferred to celebrate them privately. Some of our friends and relatives gave us presents, but we appreciated love and good wishes more than any material gifts.
I love your attitude, celebrations are for celebrating, not loot raking. I'm kind of shocked by people having multiple baby showers, gender reveal parties (when on earth did this become a thing??), and something I just heard about: a baby "sprinkle" (I was told it was for someone who'd already had one baby shower, but sheesh!). I did and do give presents to newly married couples and new babies of people I care about, but I rarely attend the parties... I am unable to travel and I'm more of a party pooper anyway.
Love this, you're so right! I'm at the age where folks in my age group are starting to get married and I live in-between cultures — our Indian culture prioritizes grand weddings but most of my friends and their friends have grown up with western cultural influences. The result is that we have long AF and expensive weddings plus lots of new events like proposal parties, engagements, bachelor/ette parties, etc.
LOVE this. I swear every week, it's like you're inside my brain! I have been single for my entire life and have done most of the "milestone" things alone, and it's frustrating. When I bought my first house, I asked my family if I could have a "housewarming shower," and I was surprised when everyone seemed excited about the idea. It felt weird asking at first, but knowing I didn't have marriage on the horizon at all, I wanted to show that I was proud and would love some small gifts from others, even if it was awkward at the time. It still feels awkward writing it out, but we don't think wedding showers are awkward!
I'm so glad you went ahead and had a housewarming shower even if it felt awkward! You got to celebrate a major win with your loved ones and it makes so much sense — we never think bridal showers or bachelorettes or baby showers (multiple) are awkward or asking too much. It's odd that we think a housewarming or achieving a sought-after milestone isn't worthy of being celebrate with the same energy. Good on you for celebrating yourself!!
In this economy, buying or moving into a new house (given how difficult it is to find a good home at all), we should all make it a point to celebrate it wit the same energy we do other stuff like baby or bridal showers, bachelor parties, and what not.
I have wanted to send out a registry for a "I'm not getting married" celebration so many times. I just got a friend's invite to her 3rd marriage. I'm just bringing a card. That's all.
I was jokingly telling a friend that if a couple doesn't last beyond the first two years of their marriage, I should get to take my gift back and they said there's an actual Seinfeld episode about this exact thing and well, a third marriage — glad you're supporting the friend but whew, that sounds like a lot of money and effort on your part. Maybe you *should* do the "This is me, celebrate me" registry after all!
I threw one of my best friends a PhD shower!
That is brilliant and a great idea! Imma do that for my friends too and also for those who switch from exceptionally toxic/not-their-jobs into newer, nicer ones (so the non-academic ones aren't left out).
That is super awesome!
I'm coming at this from both sides. I was single until I was 46, when I got married to a man who was 41, also his first marriage. Honestly, I have never minded celebrating my many married friends' accomplishments (marriage, children, etc), and being single didn't keep me from celebrating my own. College graduation, housewarming, professional licensure, etc. Friends were always happy to celebrate with me, regardless of marital status. Regarding destination weddings, I think it's ludicrous to expect someone to pony up a bunch of money to go somewhere they may or may not be interested in going. Our wedding/honeymoon was in Hawaii, no guests invited, just the two of us on the beach with the officient and the photographer. Totally romantic and stress-free, and it cost about 5K. We had a potluck reception at a friend's house (she had a big yard) when we returned for all our friends and we specified NO GIFTS! Some people still gave us things, but that was their choice. It was a total blast, everyone had fun, and no one felt obligated or resentful for spending more money than they could afford. Celebrations shouldn't be seen as an opportunity to rake in loot, that's seriously warped IMHO. Just say no.
Thank you for reading, I really appreciate your input — esp the fact that you point out celebrations aren't ways to just rake in cash or gifts from loved ones. Spot on!
This is so sensible! I love that you and your friend circle make it a point to celebrate things with the same energy — most of the horror stories I read on reddit or see irl with my own friends and their friends is that marriages, babies, and similar "societal" milestones take precedence. People fly down to attend weddings but rarely show the same kind of commitment & interest for what they deem is a smaller event (like a housewarming shower or something that's a "niche" celebration).
That's the way to do it! We had a small wedding, too, minus the destination (I'm a homebody!); just our respective parents and siblings and a couple of friends in attendance (as well as the minister's little poodle), no shower, no presents. We had three kids, no baby showers. 40 plus years of marriage, no public anniversary parties. Why would we? These were private events, and we preferred to celebrate them privately. Some of our friends and relatives gave us presents, but we appreciated love and good wishes more than any material gifts.
I love your attitude, celebrations are for celebrating, not loot raking. I'm kind of shocked by people having multiple baby showers, gender reveal parties (when on earth did this become a thing??), and something I just heard about: a baby "sprinkle" (I was told it was for someone who'd already had one baby shower, but sheesh!). I did and do give presents to newly married couples and new babies of people I care about, but I rarely attend the parties... I am unable to travel and I'm more of a party pooper anyway.
Love this, you're so right! I'm at the age where folks in my age group are starting to get married and I live in-between cultures — our Indian culture prioritizes grand weddings but most of my friends and their friends have grown up with western cultural influences. The result is that we have long AF and expensive weddings plus lots of new events like proposal parties, engagements, bachelor/ette parties, etc.
OMG, I totally agree about the gender reveal thing. What difference does it make, and who the hell cares except the parents?
Certainly not the baby! :D
It's madness, that's what this age of consumerism and weird notion to document everything on Instagram/TikTok is creating.
Thanks so much for reading, Jeannine!
You're very welcome. Thank YOU so much for writing! :)
LOVE this. I swear every week, it's like you're inside my brain! I have been single for my entire life and have done most of the "milestone" things alone, and it's frustrating. When I bought my first house, I asked my family if I could have a "housewarming shower," and I was surprised when everyone seemed excited about the idea. It felt weird asking at first, but knowing I didn't have marriage on the horizon at all, I wanted to show that I was proud and would love some small gifts from others, even if it was awkward at the time. It still feels awkward writing it out, but we don't think wedding showers are awkward!
I'm so glad you went ahead and had a housewarming shower even if it felt awkward! You got to celebrate a major win with your loved ones and it makes so much sense — we never think bridal showers or bachelorettes or baby showers (multiple) are awkward or asking too much. It's odd that we think a housewarming or achieving a sought-after milestone isn't worthy of being celebrate with the same energy. Good on you for celebrating yourself!!
Thanks so much for reading! x
A housewarming shower sounds like a wonderful idea - I give housewarming presents to people I care about when they move into a new home...
In this economy, buying or moving into a new house (given how difficult it is to find a good home at all), we should all make it a point to celebrate it wit the same energy we do other stuff like baby or bridal showers, bachelor parties, and what not.
I have wanted to send out a registry for a "I'm not getting married" celebration so many times. I just got a friend's invite to her 3rd marriage. I'm just bringing a card. That's all.
I was jokingly telling a friend that if a couple doesn't last beyond the first two years of their marriage, I should get to take my gift back and they said there's an actual Seinfeld episode about this exact thing and well, a third marriage — glad you're supporting the friend but whew, that sounds like a lot of money and effort on your part. Maybe you *should* do the "This is me, celebrate me" registry after all!